Opening Statement

The purpose of these writings is for self-reflection and to process grief. I want to curiously explore human error and mishap. Including the gray areas of good people doing the wrong things for the right reasons. And equally as devastating, bad people doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.

But where do I begin explaining the cornucopia of nuances that make this story…what it is?

How do I explain that I feel every little detail plays a part?

Knowing that - then how do I present the relevancy of concepts surrounding fear, shame, addiction, reactive abuse and even sex, in simplest terms on theoretical blue light paper, without horrifying the reader?

Perhaps I don’t actually need to.

The looming undercurrents of inherited family trauma & cycles of generational abuse may not matter to anyone but me.

Some would even say the compulsive feeling to provide the history is just me defending my own devastation and consequently, revenge and betrayal.

Maybe that’s the whole lesson here? That two wrongs don’t make a right…no matter the fine print?

But being someone who tends to need to learn life’s lessons the hard way, I needed to find out if maybe 3 wrongs do…

Kidding.

Or am I?

I suppose that will be for the reader to decide as we embark on this together.

My inner dialogue screams “I can’t figure out a starting point because what I have to say isn’t important.”

I hold space and reverence for shame, but it will not be the foundation of this grief project.

So I’ll start with a fragment from the middle and piece together this fucked up Gingerbread House for you one horrifying gumdrop at a time.